You’ve been invited to your dear friend’s tropical wedding in Costa Rica.  You have an adorable summery pink halter dress that is perfect for the occasion. Ideal, right? Wrong. You did not consider the BS factor. BOOB. SWEAT. It happens to women everywhere.

What to do? Well, the obvious solution would seem to be antiperspirant applied generously to the underboob and cleavage area. Here’s a secret: antiperspirant (much like most men) becomes useless when confronted with a perspiring bosom.

Another plausible solution would be adhering maxi-pads to the inside of the dress where the sweat-moons develop. Wrong again! The pads do not offer subtle lift or support. They look like you have an extra set of saggy boobs under your already wilting girls. As the day progresses the pads become heavier and more saturated with moisture thus leaving you with two full diapers under that cute dress. Sure it’s always good to have pads on hand for that one woman who ends up getting her period mid-vows. Plus if you become dehydrated from all that jungle sweating you could squeeze the moisture from the pads into your mouth like Bear Grylls on Man vs. Wild. As we all know… He never failed anything!

You could just own it and proudly flaunt your boob sweat. You are in a tropical setting after all and it’s understandable to be perspiring. A friend once told me that “boob sweat is hot” but as I later discovered, it is indeed hot but only in very limited circumstances. Apparently weddings are not one of them. This friend also smirked and said “there’s a website for everything… so…” But being immortalized as the sweaty boob lady on someone’s online wedding album probably isn’t what they meant.

The only plausible solution to the wedding boob sweat conundrum is to throw the cute pink halter dress out the damn window and to pull out the trusty “little black dress”. Sure black is hot in the tropical sun. But no one will SEE that you’re sweating.

~C