People with active bangs are like Jeep or Harley owners, they acknowledge each other in passing as members of a loose open-membership club of like-minded individuals.  Once you’ve had bangs you are forever a member of the bang mafia even if those bangs are so long that they blend in with the rest of your hair.  Bald is beautiful and baldness is just very short bangs that don’t need to be trimmed often.  Bangs are eternal.  Technically, we’ve all had them at some point so you’re already in the bang gang and I salute you.

My wise and inspirational co-blogger Christine (the Betty to my Veronica) and I discussed starting from scratch after a bad breakup by getting a haircut.  She recently got the cutest fresh hairstyle that says “I’m totally over it and I’m out doing fun things and focusing on myself”.  As most of us (and all hairdressers) know, changing one’s appearance after a bad breakup can sometimes help a person deal with trauma and offers a quick way to transform into a new you… at least on the outside.  You know how they say that after so many years you are not really the same person on a cellular level? Well you can accelerate this process by cutting your hair.  Hair holds ghosts just as it contains traces of whatever you’ve been putting into your body.  You could have a New Orleans jazzy funeral parade for the meager useless inches that you’ve chopped off to symbolize that your past is dead to you.

I have not discussed this with any men so if you have input on a man’s perspective, feel free to comment below.  Since men don’t always have spare inches to part with, they can skip right to the growth phase of the transformation and begin cultivating the breakup beard and celebrate not having to be clean shaven,

My bang life began in kindergarten when the night before picture day, my mother decided to be the bang fairy.  She took me outside, put a trash bag over me with a hole torn out for my head and used huge metal kitchen shears to carve my baby hair into short jagged bangs.  They looked terrible and the next day my teacher was concerned by the extreme (possibly abusive) hair butchery and asked if things were ok at home.  I looked like that creepy Isaac kid from Children of the Corn.  To this day my mother blames me for “moving” during the cut and thus my love for bangs was born. 

The Long:

Sherpas have long bangs to shield their eyes from the blinding light bouncing off of glaciers.  Long bangs offer privacy and allow you to see out while others cannot see in.  They increase your ability to see through bullshit.

Here are some helpful bangspirations for longer bangs:
The Sarah Connor bangs that say, “come with me if you want to live”.  Like The Terminator, your bangs will never stop. EVER.

The mermaid from Splash bangs that let them know you are ready for 7 fun filled days before you must return to the sea. 

The die alone bangs where you impulsively give yourself bangs while drinking box wine and singing “All By Myself”.

The Short:

Maybe you have considered adopting baby bangs but know that once you have them there are no shortcuts while they grow.  You can’t un-bang yourself and sending them to bang college is expensive.  Short bangs show a high level of self-care and confidence.  You are willing to put effort into things that matter to you and are a great caregiver while not putting up with time wasting nonsense.
Here are some short bang inspirations:

Fun Faux Fringe Facts:

Bangs were first brought to our planet by alien visitors from Alpha Centauri according to pottery from the pre-Aztecs who secretly worshipped the bloodthirsty god of bangs Xiluclotlotl.

They actually had bangs on Princess Leia but then George Lucas realized that bangs in zero gravity would just be kinda floating out from her face and look terrible and thus the iconic spacebuns were born.

If you want to try bangs, I say go for it!  Great things can come from mistakes so don’t be afraid to make them.

~B